Roulette: Random Nonsense.

Researching the various methods, strategies, information and knowledge about the game of roulette we found a very funny website with a completely new and novel approach to the game, written by a guy called ‘Lucky Ned', here we will document the interview that we managed to arrange with him, and all the information that we garnered from the wonderfully inventive and intuitive ‘Lucky Ned', professional gambling guru.....

For a taster of what you can expect we have added the following table, it is an idiot's guide to choosing your numers.....and to be frank, will be just as effective as any other methods you might have chosen to pick numbers:

 

0 If you have to look here, you haven't been paying attention.

00 Well, I guess it's the lesser of two evils.

 

1 A good number, but I've noticed it coming up a lot lately.	2 Are you feeling lucky?	3 As good a number as this game offers.
4 Even numbers aren't always so great. Play with caution.	5 A good backup if someone is already betting the three.	6 Black, multiple of three. Now if only it were odd...
7 Some swear by it. If it has importance to you, give it a shot.	8 Works great for girls!	9 Hasn't been coming up lately. Must be overdue.
10 This ten ain't no ten for luck.	11 I play it on Sundays. Might be good on holidays, too.	12 Play this number on a hunch only.
13 Definitely as unlucky as scientists say.	14 Never ever play! Bad Luck!	15 Tricky number. For advanced players only!
16 Eh. I've seen better.	17 Way, way, way overdue.	18 This number has come up too often at Excalibur.
19 No Data. Accidentally got drunk when researching.	20 20/20 vision says to try this one if 6 isn't working for you.	21 Works in keno and blackjack, why not here?
22 For legal reasons I cannot comment on 22 right now.	23 A sleeper. Pays off for me if I don't play it too much.	24 Overused.
25 Works best in combination with small numbers.	26 I'm getting tired.	27 Wait for new croupier before playing.
28 Comes up all the time. Might be all tapped out.	29 Feelin' fine with 29. My secret hot pick of the week.	30 Even and red make for a dangerous combination.
31 Better than 14, but that isn't saying much.	32 Now you're just desperate. Go back and try 9 again.	33 It's a good number, but expects a lot of loyalty from you.
34 It's the 3 of the upper board!	35 If you play it with genuine goodness and no greed it might pay well.	36 They just put this on the wheel to make it symmetrical. It's for suckers.

So, Lucky Ned, do you have any pearls of wisdom regarding behaviour round the roulette table?

"Look, nobody is going to yell at you if you are a little bit rude at the table. But, GOOD MANNERS ARE ONE OF THE KEYS TO WINNING. If someone else at the table has already "staked" a number, do not be so presumptuous as to think you may play it too. The game is sensitive to such manoeuvrings and may punish both players for such behaviour's. Similarly, if you are playing a number and someone tries to horn in on your action, firmly but politely say "I was already playing that number." Then, push the other person's chips aside. If this escalates into an argument, as it often does with ignoramuses, any croupier worth his weight in salt will stand up for you."

We found this to be very informative, and will definitely be trying them out because our job, as a casino review website is to trial and test all methods that are presented to us.

 

So, Lucky Ned, do you have any tips to help us improve our roulette skills when we can't find anywhere to play?

"You don't need a Roulette wheel in your house is to practice your new roulette skills. Here is something I do to practice any time I have free moment, like on the bus or while waiting for my dinner to heat up. I pick what I think is the winning number, and then I pretend to spin a wheel in my head. I then watch the wheel spin in my head and if it lands on the number I picked, I am winner. The more I practice at this, the more often I can correctly pick the winner. For a sense of realism, carry some gambling chips in your pocket and finger them while the wheel in you head is spinning."

Well thank-you Lucky Ned, this kills two birds with one stone, no-longer will I be bored when I'm waiting for my micro-kebab to cook, or the number 9 bus to drive passed me again when I'm standing at the side of the road in a day-glo orange mac, waving my hands like a drug-crazed Mr Tickle trying to get it to stop. No, from now on you might notice a vacant look on my face as I try to decide which numbers to choose- in fact, to help me I think I might print out and laminate your number picking table, that way I'll never get stuck again when taking number choice decisions.

Lucky Ned, should I worry if the same number comes up more than once?

"There is a lot of debate among roulette academics that I meet at the tables about numbers that come up often. If a single number comes up several times in a row, some idiots say you should bet it because there is a streak happening. Others, mostly smart people, say to avoid it because it "probably" won't come up again. What the "probably" means is that for every time a number comes up, that means that there is one fewer of that number left in the ball. You see, something called "probability" dictates that every ball must land in every slot the exact same number of times. So, if a ball lands on six five times in a row, it has that many fewer sixes left in it. AVOID NUMBERS THAT COME UP OFTEN AND THE CASINO WILL BE COUGHIN' up dough."

I see so, is there anywhere that we can direct our readers in order for them to find out how many of each number is in a particular ball? We heard that the casinos change their balls every couple of hours, is this because the numbers have run out? Also, do the factories that make the roulette balls ensure that the same numbers are in every ball, or do they vary which balls have which numbers? Can the casinos choose balls that have a greater number of 0's?, Because if they do then I think this might increase the house advantage? Do you have any contacts that work in the ball making industry, if you could pass me on their details so that I can make their acquaintance?, this way I can bribe them to send out balls that only have red numbers in them, thus ensuring I win every time I play? Do you have any comments about the legality of bribing the ball manufacturers?, or possibly any tips about how I can avoid detection?

 

Lucky Ned? Yes, well, ummmmm........I was just wondering, sometimes I feel like I'm special, like a super-hero with special powers, sometimes I think things and then they come true, can you shed any light on this phenomenon? When I try talking to my college professors they shake their heads, cast me a sideway glance and rush off in the opposite direction, why is this?

"Ask any of these so-called mathematicians about the "feeling" and they will laugh at you? Why? Because they are too busy in their ivory towers to understand that there are forces beyond our small minds. I understand, and you probably do too. I do not need to tell you what the "feeling" is because you will know it when you feel it. You will feel it in your nose. Walk up to any table, get as close as you can, and see what you feel. Trust your nose. If your nose says you'll win, sit down. If your nose says you'll lose, walk away. NOTE TO ADVANCED PLAYERS: You can still play even when you feel you are going to be unlucky. Just bet the opposite of everything you would have otherwise bet."

Oh right, I see it now, I AM special its just that other people don't always recognise it...I always sneeze whenever I hear or see the number three, I suppose this must mean that I'm fairly skilled in the feeling with my nose system...

 

Lucky Ned, I get really confused when I try to place bets in roulette, I just don't know how to chose the smart bet, with your powers of smart, can you give me (and our reading audience) any advice?

"I'm smart! Smart as the smartest rocket scientist, only my science isn't rockets, it's what the casinos naïvely call "gambling." When I walk into a casino, the owners tremble and hold emergency meetings to figure out how they can stop me before I drain their bank accounts. I'm that smart. Roulette is French for "gentleman's wagering wheel game" and it was used in ancient times when the great Monarch of France would play the game against slaves for their lives. The ball was originally a pebble and the roulette wheel was a square until Jesus Christ finally invented the circle. In those days, the number zero did not exist, neither did any numbers higher than 16. I'm not trying to show off my smarts with this information, I'm just giving a little background that will help you better understand the subtle ins and outs of the "gentleman's wagering wheel game"."

Errrr....that's all very well and good, but do you have any concrete advice that we can follow?

Lucky Ned then kindly furnished us with the following table:

 

BLACK	This pays you two for one. If you bet black and win, it will pay back the original bet plus the same amount again. The casinos are suckers for this.
RED	This one is similar to black, but not as good a bet I have never gotten around to counting the number of red or black numbers, but I am pretty sure there are more black. One important thing abut rouletter is that MORE NUMBERS ARE BETTER!!
EVEN	This is like black or red, but you win if you bet even and if the number comes up even. A pretty good bet when you are feeling lucky, but ODD is better.
ODD	It's like even, but most of the really good numbers are odd, like one and seven. So, if you want to bet odd or even, I highly recommend odd. As I will later explain, multiples of three are good, and every other multiple of three is ODD! YOU WON'T BE A FRAUD BETTING THE ODD!
FIRST 12	You can bet on the first twelve numbers, which are 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12. Also, I think 8. I will look tomorrow when I am robbing the casino blind. This one pays you good. The first 12 is a good bet because they come up a lot more than the other numbers.
SECOND 12	A sucker's bet if there ever were one. I hardly ever see these numbers come up, so my advice is to AVOID THE SECOND 12 LIKE THE PLAGUE.
THIRD 12	This group is a pretty risky bunch, but if you bet it and they hit, you will definitely earn the respect of the croupier.
GREEN	A good roulette wheel has a green zero and a green double zero. Some of the casinos are now trying to make wheels with only a single zero. If the casino you are at has only one green spot GET THE HELL OUT! More zeros mean more choice and MORE CHOICE MEANS MORE WAYS TO WIN!! Green isn't a very good bet unless there is an Asian man at the table. Then it is more likely to come up.
A NUMBER	You can bet on any number on the wheel, no matter what colour. If it hits, they will pay you loads and loads of chips. I can't remember how many, but I think it has to do with the number. Like, a 31 will pay a lot more than a 14. If you want to play numbers, make sure to bet the high numbers.
MORE THAN ONE NUMBER	You can put chips on the corner of a number so that they touch several number squares. I don't do this unless THAT FEELING COMES FROM MY TUM-TUM because THE WHEEL REWARDS LOYALTY. Playing several numbers at once is the same as having a bunch of mistresses. Also, I am not sure how this works, and sometimes if you ask THE CROUPIER WILL LAUGH AT YOU.

That's excellent, but to be frank, I'm frightfully embarrassed about my request for a ball that only contains red numbers, given that your professional advice (-which I value very highly) is that it is, in fact, the black numbers that are of the utmost importance in roulette.

Anyway, thank-you for your time in responding to our questions, this information will, I'm certain, be invaluable in my future as one of the greatest roulette players to ever have a nose....your loyal, and rather red-faced subject, Online-Casinos' creative executive.