Are you a gambler? I bet you are (boom boom!). You probably take risky gambles every day, but just don’t realise it. In this blog, we’re going to look at some of those everyday risks.
Unfortunately, these are the type of gambles that never pay off properly. You get rich.
Humiliated, maybe.
Rich, definitely not.
Risky gamble 1: Trusting a hangover fart in public
Alcohol does things to your insides, loosens them up and irritates your bowels, making them hyper-reactive and susceptible to explode at any second.
We feel the full brunt of these effects once the hangover kicks in. If you’re anything like me, you don’t venture outside with a hangover – urgh, there’s noise and people out there. But more than that, you need to be close to the bathroom.
Given the laxity of certain digestive processes, the last thing you should ever do is trust a hangover fart.
And if you’re in public, well, you have to be one of those people who’s into humiliation to even entertain the thought of letting one go.
Risky gamble 2: Pound shop sushi
Sushi is delicious, but it carries its risks. The risks are probably not significant in a country like the UK, where we have strict food standards, but you should probably exercise a bit of caution when eating raw fish.
Supermarket sushi is one area that’s a bit touch and go, and the pound shop stuff is another step-down. I admit that I’ve tried it before and nothing bad happened, but it was a gamble.
Risky gamble 3: Eating a random chocolate chip off the kitchen worktop
OK, so maybe it’s just me who has this bad habit, but sometimes, I’ll see a crumb of something on the kitchen worktop and eat it. It’s usually after I’ve done something like make a bowl of cereal and spilt some on the side.
This is the culinary equivalent of Russian roulette because you can’t always be sure that what you’ve picked up is the thing you think it is, but by the time it’s in your mouth, it’s too late.
Is it a bit of cheese from this sandwich or a bit of last night’s prawn curry? A biscuit crumb or some washing powder? A chocolate chip or a rat poop, and now you have to call the exterminator? (Should probably keep the kitchen a bit tidier, eh? Especially if you’re in the habit of eating random bits off the side).
If you’ve never played Kitchen Roulette, these risky gambles are a good way to bring some liveliness to a boring Monday evening.
Risky gamble 4: Eating a peanut from the bar
Pubs have reopened today, yay! And whilst the indoor bars aren’t open yet, they soon will be (June, I think). When they open, I’m sure it won’t be long before the complementary peanuts appear…but don’t be too quick to take one.
Now, you’re probably thinking you know the reason for this. It’s common lore that complementary bar food is covered in urine and other not nice things.
But there are other problems too. My friend once ate the last peanut from the communal peanut bowl and it turned out to be my other friend’s chewed chewing gum.
When you’re drunk it’s easy to take risky gambles, but think twice before reaching for the pee-nuts.
Risky gamble 5: squeezing your ketchup sachet when it hasn’t opened properly
Hands up who opens ketchup sachets with their teeth? 
why wouldn’t you? It’s not like fast food places give you scissors to cut them up with. Yeah, they might have a little scissor icon and a “cut here” line, but I don’t think I’ve EVER seen anyone use scissors.
Anyway, if you open your ketchup with your teeth, then you know that they don’t always open properly. You tear the top bit of plastic off, but leave the underlayer intact. That underlayer is such a weak little bit of plastic – looks like clingfilm – that rather than just bite through it, you take the gamble that it will burst with a little squeeze.
That’s definitely a gamble. Again, happened to my friend one day when we were in Burger King.
Risky gamble 6: Thinking it’s raining when the sky’s blue and your face just got wet
This is a funny story that happened to my friend (this happens to be the same friend as the ketchup incident, but not the same friend as the peanut incident). We were sat outside in the middle of summer just being youths on a beautiful day with no clouds in sight. Suddenly, he turned to me saying, “Please tell me it’s raining!?!”.
Ha, nope! What’s happened there is that a seagull has just risked a hangover fart over your head.
Moral of the story: don’t blindly accept that it’s raining or you might not wipe the bird poop out of your hair.
Risky gamble 7: Trying on clothes in a shop when there’s only one of them on the rack
This has happened to me before. If you’re trying things on in a shop, first make sure that the item is not the only one of its kind around. If you can’t see any other examples of the same piece of clothing, then start looking for tags and shiz because I once tried on another customer’s coat who’d taken it off because they were trying another coat.
And then I died and never went out in public again because — what with covering myself in ketchup, eating other people’s chewing gum, and bothering smug ducks — I just can’t be trusted.
