You’re Bad at Gambling If You Don’t Know These 4 Things

Anyone who spends a decent amount of time gambling wants to be good at it. A lot of people take it seriously…and a lot of people think they’re god’s gift to gambling. But if you don’t know the following 4 things, then you’re bad at gambling.

1: There’s only one machine that (almost) guarantees a payout

It’s the cash machine (ATM for any Americans here). I say “almost” because it obviously won’t payout if you’ve blown through your money and there’s nothing in there. Empty bank balances can definitely happen if you’re bad at gambling.

You’ll hear lots of claims from other gamblers about the elusive “hot slots” – slot machines that apparently have a higher frequency payout – but it’s mostly rubbish. You might get lucky and find one in a lifetime, but it’s doubtful.

Casinos are in the game of making money. If one of their games is paying out more than it should, they’ll be on it faster than you can scrape the beans off your Weetabix.

2: Your friend’s probably a dunce

We’ve all got that one friend who has the “perfect strategy that we should use this weekend”.

Yeah, I don’t think so. I’ve never heard a gambling strategy that doesn’t sound like it’s been written by a crayon-eating chimp using his rainbow-coloured turd to write it all down.

For some reason, it’s usually roulette that gets singled out for this treatment. It’s silly. Roulette is a game of chance – there’s no way around that. If you think you have a winning roulette strategy, then you’re falling for some superstition or fallacy.

With games like Poker and Blackjack, you CAN develop strategies that make you more likely to win, especially if you’re playing against rookie players. But these strategies are no different from the ones that you’d find in any other game, e.g., Chess or Football. They’re not guaranteed wins; they depend on your opponents and a bit of luck.

3: You’re never a full-blown loser

You might have lost £5k in one night, but that doesn’t mean that you leave the casino completely empty-handed. Any seasoned gambler could tell you that the comps are some of the best perks of visiting the casino.

OK, so £5k is a lot to pay for curry, chips, ribs and a beer, but it’s still something. And the greasy food is one of the best things about Saturday night anyway. Sometimes the casino will even give you a complimentary pint glass. I bet no one else you know has such an expensive glass collection!

With online casinos, unless one of them teams up with UberEats (other food delivery services exist), you’re not going to get a free burger and chips, but you’ll get some free perks, e.g., bonuses and free spins.

Take advantage of decent bonuses when they’re free. People do win from them.

4: It’s not a scam

A lot of people who gamble will tell you it’s a scam. The casinos are a scam, the lottery’s an idiot tax, sports betting can do one. It’s all a fix…until they win.

But a good gambler knows that the odds mean that you mostly walk away with losses. It’s only luck that determines if you walk away with a loss a win. Most often, you’ll walk away with a loss. That doesn’t mean that gambling’s a scam. It means you lost.

They’re quite upfront about the fact that you probably will lose. “The house always wins” is the fundamental thing casinos tell you. Why wouldn’t you believe them?

A picture of lots of wooden squares with letters on 5 of them that spell "loser"