Have you ever wondered what sort of gambler you are? If so, wonder no more because I’m going to introduce you to some of the common characters you’ll meet when gambling online.
You’ll also be able to use this information to work out the type of gambler you are too, and this could help you make the most of your visits to the online casinos.
So let’s get straight into it…
The Paranoid Android
This is the tinfoil hat persona – trust nothing, trust no one, especially not the random number generators. Everything’s a fix to them. They think that online casinos cheat them out of money.
They believe the casinos fake their odds, and that really, you lose more than you should.
For the paranoid android, the house doesn’t just always win: it always cleans you out too.
If this sounds familiar, then you should look at the UK legislation surrounding online casinos. For an online casino to be legal here in the UK, they need to apply for a licence from the Gambling Commission.
To obtain the licence, the casinos must have their games tested independently to ensure fairness. And once they have their licence, they must undergo regular testing. Casinos who flout the rules will have their licences revoked or suspended.
This does highlight the importance of researching a casino before you choose to play with them. Make sure it’s legal for them to operate in the UK, and make sure they’re licenced by the Gambling Commission.
The wheeler-dealer also goes by the name “The Strategist”. This is the persona that looks for wrinkles in the house’s armour – a way to get around the fixed odds and get an edge on the house…as if that’s possible.
I suppose some methods have the potential to give you an edge. For example, card counting works, but if they catch you doing it, they’ll blacklist you. I also talked this week about a potential technique that could help you win the online slots. Overall, though, there are no perfect strategies that we know of.
Whilst the wheeler-dealer persona might be great for the person who has it, it’s often annoying for other players. Who wants to play with the kid who’s trying to stitch you up? Well, other wheeler-dealers who think they’re the better wheeler-dealer, that’s who. And if you’ve ever played against a group of them, the frustration goes through the roof.
Too many egos spoil the…well…everything. Have you ever heard anything more pompous than a group of gamblers trying to outcompete each other with their failsafe winning strategies? Yep, it makes your ears bleed from irritation.
Is this even a personality type? Probably not, but have you noticed that there’s always someone in the chat that’s pushing another casino, and even things that are completely unrelated, like diet pills? OK, so I know I might have put a bit of weight on recently, but do you really need to remind me in my downtime? Rude!
These people don’t stay around long. The casinos will kick them off the chat as soon as they see it, but they’ve changed their techniques. Now they engage in “native spamming”. Here, they act like normal people without an agenda – they’re here to play, just like you – but then they slip in subtle adverts to other casinos and products.
You won’t even notice an extremely good spammer. Just pay attention when you talk to your fellow gamblers. If you come away from a chat thinking, “I really want to play at X-casino” or “Maybe I do need an elasticated belt?”, ask yourself if someone planted that seed in your head.
Closely related to The Spammer, The Shill works for the casino. They’re there to convince you to play certain games.
A common “trick” is to convince you that a particular game has a higher chance of winning than it does. They aren’t explicit about it, but subtle. They might tell you how they’ve had a recent run of luck on a certain game or how they’ve heard a particular game is well overdue a win.
Some shills operate in real-life casinos, too. As well as having the casino-employed ones, there may also be other types operating. These are usually part of a criminal organisation and they’re there to find whales to exploit.
I haven’t heard of a shill scam run by criminal gangs operating on the legal online casinos. They may be out there, though. If you know differently, get in touch and let us know.
The Impatient Player
Hey, it’s me! This is the type of player who can’t be bothered to read the rules of the games, the T&Cs, and who become incredibly frustrated by verification processes, especially some of the 2-step verification. I’m sure I spend half my time trying to log into my accounts!
Verifying your ID can also be a pain, too. If it takes too long, I just find another casino. Therefore, when it comes to impatient players, you might not meet them online because they never get through the sign-up stage!
You know that you’re The Dreamer persona if you spend your time daydreaming about how you’re going to spend your millions whilst playing the penny slots.
Again, I fall into this persona, not so much when gambling online, but definitely when playing the Powerball lottery. I’ll play my lines and then immediately open Right Move looking at all the mansions for sale. One of the most ridiculous things about this fantasy is that I’ll often be fussy about my mansion. “Nah, I don’t want to live in this £7m house. The decors too ‘Buckingham Palacy’ and the swimming pool’s too small”
Have you spotted any of these personas out in the wild? Maybe you recognise yourself in them? I do!